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Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship
PDF Download Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship
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Review
“This book is grounded in the latest brain science, as well as being wonderfully friendly, encouraging, and practical. It shows readers how to stay out of dead-end conflicts and instead light up the neural circuits of empathy, skillful communication, and love. A marvelous resource.” —Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Buddha's Brain “I really enjoyed this book and learned a lot from it that I can use as a therapist. Stan Tatkin is a great innovator. This book is a must for every couples’ therapist’s library.” —John Gottman, author of The Science of Trust “If you feel lost, confused or alone in your relationship, get this book right now. You will finally make sense out of chaos and pain. This is your map to go from frustration and insecurity to realize the potential of why you initially got together. Stan Tatkin’s insightful book will teach you to work as a team to make your relationship journey safe, engaging, and deeply satisfying.” —Peter Pearson, PhD, couples therapy specialist and cofounder of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA “Stan Tatkin shows how our couple relationships would look if we took seriously what attachment theory and neuroscience research has taught us.” —Dan Wile, author of After the Honeymoon “Wired for Love challenges partners to experience their relationship in a totally new way. Partners will learn how to engage positively as a couple to help each other feel safe and secure by following the relationship exercises suggested in this exciting new book. In clear, concise language, Tatkin describes the ways that partners can understand and become experts on one another. He suggests building a “couple bubble” wherein each partner is the most important person in the other’s life, the one individual on whom the partner can always count.” —Marion F. Solomon, director of clinical training at Lifespan Learning Institute and author of Narcissism and Intimacy, Lean on Me, and other books “Read this book to discover a multitude of new ways to enliven your relationship and end needless conflicts. Stan Tatkin is one of the most innovative thinkers in the couples relationship world today. It's impossible to read this book without learning new patterns to enhance your love.” —Ellyn Bader, PhD, cocreator of the developmental model of couples therapy, codirector of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA, and author of Tell Me No Lies and In Quest of the Mythical Mate “Reading Stan Tatkin’s book makes you want to be in therapy with him. With intense and fearless clarity, he takes you into the trenches of the combative human brain and shows you how to make love, not war.” —Esther Perel, LMFT, author of Mating in Captivity
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About the Author
Stan Tatkin, PsyD, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of the psychobiological approach to couple therapy. He teaches and supervises family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente in Woodland Hills and lives with his wife and daughter in Calabasas, CA. Foreword writer Harville Hendrix, PhD, is a clinical pastoral counselor, cocreator of imago relationship therapy, and author of Getting the Love You Want.
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Product details
Paperback: 200 pages
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (January 2, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1608820580
ISBN-13: 978-1608820580
Product Dimensions:
5.8 x 0.5 x 8.8 inches
Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
229 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#4,322 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Wow, this is a wonderful book that was recommended to us by our couples therapist. Since purchasing it, my boyfriend and I have read about half of it. There are some profound chapters in the book that have caused us to really evaluate and look at how we had been doing our relationship. My boyfriend has completely changed his career as a result of the book. This book is invaluable in terms of understanding and working on your relationship and loving your partner.
This book will not change the fact the the earth is a cold, lonely rock hurtling through an otherwise lifeless galaxy. Your existence is temporary and meaningless. Instead of purchasing this book, you should break free of your relationship chains and spend that money going on a regrettable one-night-stand. At least your regret is real while it lasts.
Stan's work and contribution to the field of couples therapy and psychology is truly ground breaking. It really raises the bar by incorporating the most modern discoveries of our brain and neuroscience with how we respond to being in a couple. We couple to feel good and feel safe. Stan's work shows us how different parts of our brain respond and how our brains are more sensitive to perceive threat than we are kindness. This knowledge can also help you to avoid making your partner feel poorly. The neuroscience is explained in a friendly way that everyone can follow and its incorporated with attachment theory concepts which are also a more modern knowledge base at the way we bond and couple. If you are hoping to understand how people create a safe, secure and loving lifetime relationship this book provides that knowledge. I would personally throw away any relationship guide written before this work or not incorporating the concepts that this work covers. This is the new and most accurate way to look at coupling.
I was told to buy this book while I was in couple counseling with my boyfriend. We did end of breaking up, and this book actually helped me see why we dealing with the issues in our relationship. We are wired very differently for love. I then re-read it, after the break up, to see how I can love myself, heal and move on.
I enjoyed it. I do think it really requires a committed couple to do the exercises. I know it sounds elementary however, there is usually one person who is more invested in making the relationship work. A good read.
Quick read with some solid information. You have to make it through the beginning of the book and the short stories to get to the most helpful information - so don't give up. A little simplistically written and some of the anecdotes feel extraneous. Overall, defines the principles of personality type and background well later in the book and a good couples read that doesn't create finger pointing or take too much time.
As a therapist, I found this book very helpful in understanding the need for couples to bond completely in order to keep their relationship alive. Tatkin bases his research on premises that include current research on marital therapy as well as on neuropsychology.He provides ten basic premises for maintaining a good marriage. He speaks often of the 'couple bubble'. This is a way for couples to put one another first, to keep themselves a priority for one another in spite of all the influx of information and experiences that come their way. Couples need to form a bubble, a safe place where they are available to one another 24/7 and they attempt to fulfill their partner's needs in any way they can. It goes both ways and it is a protective device.I also liked his analogy of 'ambassadors' and 'primitives'. Ambassadors are the rational aspects of our brain that steer our relationship. The primitives are the more basic aspects of survival that most of us have been programmed for as children. It is more of a 'fight or flight' component that each of us has. There needs to be an understanding in ourselves of these two components of our brain and, more importantly, depending on our upbringing, we may need to work on understanding what makes our partner tick.The book is accessible to anyone, therapist or layman. The information is very helpful and can be used by any married couple. Therapists will be pleased to see that Tatkin quotes the most recent research and incorporates it in his book. I found this book very intuitive and have used his suggestions in the therapy I already do. However, I have picked up some new ideas that I will surely incorporate in the future.
I love this book and have bought copies to share with my family and friends. I had a couple bubble with a past boyfriend and it was like I was on cloud 9. My fiance is an island (dismissive avoidant) and is skeptical of the idea but I feel like this book will help aid us in creating our own couple bubble. The book provides an excellent explanation of what a couple bubble is, why it is so important for a healthy relationship, and practical advice for how to create your own. I wish it we're mandatory book for everyone to read in highschool or college.
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